Me: “Aren’t you SO excited for school to start again?!”
Chandler: “You are only excited for us to go so you can get a break from us.”
Me: “Noooo…I just want you to be well educated!”
Chandler: “And go out for coffee with your friends.”
Me: “uhhhh…welllll….you want some ice cream?!”
Chandler: “YEP.”
How can we make sure that our kids are doing their fair share of the thinking? How can we keep ourselves from getting pulled into working harder on their lives than they are? How can we help them become prepared for a world full of decisions and consequences?
I’ve talked about it before, but I’m back to it. I’ve been thinking lately about my kids’ mistakes. As a parent you want to protect your kids, to help them along as much as possible. But I am finding that fixing their every mistake is only hurting them in the end.
My job as a parent isn’t to catch my child every time they fall, it’s to make sure when they fall, they know what to do, how to respond and how to get back up again.
This is my latest parenting technique I need to work on.
What will my son learn from more? Me bringing him his boots (that he forgot) so he can play outside at recess or letting him sit inside alone for recess? Me nagging at him “Don’t forget…don’t forget…don’t forget!” or letting him forget and feel the natural consequences of that irresponsibility?
Through the reading of my favorite parenting book, Parenting With Love and Logic, I am realizing that letting my kids deal with their own mistakes is what is best for them.
The price tag on mistakes right now is low. But one day they will be high. I want to teach them how to handle failures and mistakes now, while the price tag is small and we are here to remind them to put their hands out in front of them so they don’t land face first.
I don’t want to remain a rescuer/helicopter parent. It’s not healthy for me or for them.
What do you think about fixing kids mistakes?
*Note: Amazon affiliate link included*
Discussions about health and nutrition are a pretty standard thing around here. I take the job of teaching my kids how to eat pretty seriously. Not because I am obsessive about food and weight, but because if I don’t teach them what to eat and why, they will grow up unhealthy. I want my kids to grow up to be well rounded adults…healthy in their bodies, souls and minds. And teaching them about food is a big part of teaching them to take care of their bodies.
I have taught the boys what words like calories mean. Calories are the thing in food that gives your body energy. But everyone needs different amounts for different reasons. Calories from healthy food? Have as many as you want my growing little men. Calories from junk food like potato chips? Let’s take it easy.
I have also taught them to look at the nutrition labels on pre-packaged foods and at the ingredients list as well. They know how to decipher if I will buy a cereal or not. Is there high fructose corn syrup in the ingredients? How many grams of fiber are there? How many grams of sugar are there?
I think these are great ways to show your kids what you should eat and why. Great opportunities to teach about health and wellness are in your cabinets folks!
So recently when we were having a constant overdose of soggy cereal, I began thinking about how to avoid such waste. Every morning that someone ate cereal, half a bowl was getting thrown out because it got “too soggy”.
That’s when a light bulb went off, I think it literally lit up above my head like in a cartoon, actually.
It’s time teach about serving sizes!
I got a little too nerdy granola about it really. But I’m ok with that.
It’s pretty well known that us Americans have that whole serving size thing down wrong. A friend of mine who works at a steak house told me that the kid’s meal steak is larger than the recommended serving size of a steak for an adult. I think that about sums it up.
Teaching kids about serving sizes is not about teaching them to eat so they don’t get fat. It’s about teaching them limits. It’s about showing them how much they need of certain foods and why.
So I took out the cereal boxes and began to show my boys what the serving size was, why it was there and how to use it. Now, they know that they need only to pour a bowl of cereal that is the suggested serving size listed on the box.
They get out the measuring cups (They are practicing math and they don’t know it! Nerd Mom dream come true!)
They then pour only that much cereal into the bowl.
I also showed them where it shows how much milk you should use on the box and they poured just enough milk as well.
Now we know that they are not pouring excessive amounts of cereal into their bowls, thus causing unnecessary waste. And as they grow up, they will know that serving size is something to consider and that it matters!
Money saved, lessons learned.
WIN!
Do you have any tips on how you teach your kids simple lessons on eating right? I’d love to hear them!
I got some great replies to my post from the other day about fixing our kids mistakes. Thanks for that!
Just this morning I had a situation come up where I had to decide…to fix or not to fix. Today, I chose to fix the mistake. I thought it would be good to talk about the times when it’s ok to fix a mistake our kids make and how to do it the right way.
I’m pretty good at talking about mistakes. I make lots of them. 🙂
So Chandler (who is 10) called me this morning. He forgot his band instrument. He asked if I could bring it to him. So I was left with the question…do I fix it?
How do we decide when it’s ok to step in? Here is how I do it:
First – Am I taking care of myself as a priority? I don’t want that to sound like a selfish statement. I’m all about being generous towards others and teach my kids to do so as well. But I also think it’s very healthy to teach our kids that sometimes we have to take care of ourselves before jumping in to help others.
I really don’t want to raise kids who think my sole purpose in life is to run around and fill their every need and desire in life. Rushing in every single time they mess up will teach them this. I will always be willing to drop everything instantly for my kids if they really need me to. But I will also balance that by teaching them (by modeling it!) that they can not and will not always have me at their beck and call.
If I have plans with a friend for lunch, I will not cancel or show up late just to bring my son his instrument because he was irresponsible in remembering it. It wouldn’t be fair to me or my friend. It wouldn’t be fair to my child either in the long run. I would show him that my personal life, my time, it matters and he should respect that as well.
Second – How important is the request? Today the request was of semi-importance. They are preparing for a concert. He has worked hard all week practicing the songs and was eager to show his teacher his progress today and try to get a solo. Which made me wonder why the heck he forgot it since he’s been gearing up for it all week! Anyway, if it was something small, I probably would have said no. But today, I had nothing going on and this was important to him, so I did it.
Third – How often does this mistake happen? If this were happening every week…concert coming up or not…I would have said no. Chandler is a very responsible boy and it is rare that he forgets things. He has only forgotten his instrument one time before this whole school year (and for the record, I did not bring it to him that time!) and because I knew this was a big day for him, I was very surprised that he forgot it. This morning was a bit rushed and because of baseball going late last night, we did not do our usual prep for school the next day. I knew this was a simple oversight, not a regularly occurring case of irresponsibility.
Lastly – Nothing come without a cost! The bottom line to fixing mistakes is that it can’t be for free! I would be teaching him nothing if I just brought him the instrument and never said another word. Take the time to use every mistake as a learning opportunity!
I gave Chandler the choice, yes, I will bring you the instrument, but gas is very high right now and I have to come all the way back to the school, so I’ll need you to pay for the gas. Do you still want me to bring it? He thought about it and I knew he was weighing how worth it this was to him. He decided, yes, he would pay for the gas, he really didn’t want to miss band practice today. (I was SO glad he said yes! Great lesson learned today!)
Get creative with your consequences and remember to make sure that they realistically and practically relate directly to the mistake. Grounding Chandler from tv for the day would teach him nothing about responsibility. That would be a punishment. I am not into punishing my kids. (Well, sometimes I want to but that doesn’t mean I should 🙂 )
Other options could be, I took a half hour from my day to do this for you so now I need you to make up that half hour by doing something for me…extra chores work but I’ve also been known to request a foot rub.
Another option would be since I missed my half hour workout at the gym today I will be going for a walk and I’ll need you to stay here and do the dishes.
See how they are all related to the fact that I took time out of my day (teaching importance of respecting other people’s time) to help him?
So there you have it. The other side of the coin. Yes, sometimes we do step in and fix our kids mistakes. It can be an equally wonderful teaching moment! Just remember the word…SOMETIMES! 🙂
If there was ever a Love and Logic Insider’s Club Newsletter to share with you all, THIS is the one. I felt so much peace after reading it. My goal for Christmas has always been to teach my boys about the true meaning. About love and goodwill not presents and greed. I really gleaned so much from these few statements and I hope you will to!
I told you it was good! Now put down the toy catalog and go give those rascals a hug! 🙂
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*Amazon affiliate link. This is not a sponsored post. Just spreading the love!
There has been some drama in our family recently. Nothing I’m not used to as it seems to always be something!
I’m sure you have no idea what I mean and your families are perfectly fully functional, right?
Right.
There has been a family member that has let us down. They have reacted to situations in a disappointing way. We’re not really sure what will happen from here but there is a possibility of them no longer being a family member. This person has been someone that has always made us pause. We weren’t fully sure about them, ya know? There were some character issues that didn’t settle well with us. Should we trust them? Should we allow our children to become attached to them? We just didn’t know. But they were family now.
So we did what feel is always the best answer.
We loved.
We dove in, and with our insecurities and questions we brought grace and trust and love. We allowed ourselves and our children to become attached. We endured hardships and disappointments.
But we loved.
Now, the worst has happened. The hardships and disappointments have gone too far. So now what? Where do we go from here?
Sometimes I think we didn’t do enough to protect our children. We could have foresaw this day and protected them from it.
But, that is just not true.
Life is tough. Life is hard. I would much rather my boys learn about the difficulties of life with me by their side showing them they way. Loving them through it. I can’t put them in a bubble and my head in the sand and pretend that life is sunshine and butterflies for their sake. We must face the harsh realities of life together.
People let us down. Divorce happens. Death happens. Sickness happens.
It’s all about how we choose to respond to those harsh difficulties of life that matters.
And also? Should we assume the worst in people? Should we guard our hearts and never let anyone in, ya know, just in case? Absolutely not! Sure, we should be smart. But I don’t want to live my life always expecting something bad to happen and that people will let us down. And I certainly don’t want to teach my children to live their lives that way either.
And now we have a chance to teach our children, even at their tender young ages, that bad things happen to us sometimes. People we trust let us down.
And you know what we are going to do?
We are going to love.
We will move on, arm in arm, and face the sadness together. We do not know what the end result will be.
But whatever happens, we have each other.
We have lived fully.
We have loved wholly.
We have learned through it all.
I received my Insider’s Club email from Love and Logic and the title was, “You’re Grounded From Your Mom”. I was so excited to read what that meant! Could I ground my kids from me and take a night off? I think this is such an innovative way to get kids to think and appreciate their parents and I thought you all would enjoy it too! So here is what the emails said: