Category Archives: Parenting

The Middle Child Syndrome

The Middle Child Syndrome. It’s the thing that has middle children everywhere wondering about their place in the world. I was a middle child but I was also the only girl so I think that cancels it out.

Our middle child is Chase. He is eight years old. He is the most relaxed and easy going child on the planet. It is for that reason that I think we have allowed the Middle Child Syndrome to sneak in. We really don’t try to leave him out or anything. But apparently, it’s happening.

He had a bit of a melt down last night and when it came down to it, he explained it like this,

“It’s always oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest in this family! WELL WHAT ABOUT THE MIDDLE KID?!”

Oh. Whoops.

We apologized profusely for making him feel left out and swore to him that we aren’t trying to do it purposely. We promised to be more aware of it and to let him go first sometimes too.

So last night he got the first piece of dessert. You should have seen the smile on his face.

My encouragement to you today is to think about your middle child. Are you unknowingly making him or her feel second best?

Just something to think about from the Mom who is giving her middle child the first piece of dessert for the rest of his life.

Why I Hate That One M&M’s Commercial

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If you are a parent, you probably already know which M&M’s commercial I’m talking about it.

It’s this one:

OK. So it’s funny. I laughed. The song is catchy. I get it.

But why. WHY. Do we need to market candy with sex?

WHY?

My kids see this commercial on tv all the time. And they laugh. And now my seven year old knows the word sexy. No, he did not know it before. There is no reason he should. Sexy is an adult word. It has nothing to do with anything that a kid needs to know about it. Call me old fashioned. Call me strict. I DON’T CARE.

I’m really tired of our culture over-sexualizing everything. (Shut up little red squiggly line. Over-sexualizing is a word today.) It’s unnecessary. It bothers me.

Sending the message that getting naked and dancing about being sexy in a group of people is not ok. Even if they are just candy. Especially because they are candy. No, candy is not just for kids. But airing that commercial at all times of the day knowing kids are watching it is not ok with me. Funny or not. I’m not calling for a ban on M7M’s in protest. I’m not going to get all loud-mouthed and obnoxious about it. But I don’t like it. So I thought I’d say so.

And that’s how I feel about that.

Parenting Tip: Questions Create Thinking

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I haven’t posted any parenting advice lately so I thought I’d pass on this little snippet of great insight from my favorite parenting site, Love and Logic.

At Love and Logic® we believe that kids are best prepared for the real world when we allow them to do as much thinking as possible. It’s good practice for the real world, and it keeps the monkey off of our backs most of the time.
Here’s the problem. Do you know kids who like to keep adults doing all of the thinking? Do you know kids who are good at tricking us into doing so?
How do we avoid falling into this trap?

One strategy involves using plenty of questions!
The more questions we ask,
the better thinkers our kids will become.
People who understand Love and Logic also understand that the human brain seeks closure. When we use plenty of questions, children’s brains are so busy searching for closure that they have less energy left over for power-struggles.
The more questions we ask,
the fewer power-struggles we will have.

Kids grow the healthiest and strongest brains when they’re fortunate to spend time around adults who say things like:

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?”

“How do you think that’s going to work out for you?”

“Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?”

“Do you think that’s going to work out well or ________?”

“What do you think you are going to do?”

“Which one of these is the best solution to your problem?”

“Do you have enough money to pay for any possible damage?”

“Is that a wise decision?”

I love this advice. I love putting the questions back onto the kids and not draining myself over their problems.

Try it. You’ll like it. 🙂

A Lesson On Kindness…Charlie Style

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At my boys’ school, there is a big focus on kindness. In an effort to ward off the bullying problem that so many schools deal with and because they have a holistic approach to teaching kids. It’s about more than just academics. They really want to teach the kids how to be good people. (Which, hello, I LOVE!)

I love backing up what they are learning at school at home. That is one reason why I love volunteering in their classrooms. I go home and use the same language as their teachers and they look at me like, “Man, you know about that too!” It’s great.

My boys are really kind at school. I have heard from all of their teachers that they are pleasant and never mean. Always thoughtful. Well that’s just fan-freakin-tastic because at home they go at it like professional boxers.

Kindness? What is that? Apparently it doesn’t apply to brothers.

So I am super duper pulling the kindness card and trying to teach kindness is to be shown to EVERYONE, yes, even your brothers.

On the way to school, they boys were arguing in the back seat. (Wow, that’s different.)

Me: Excuse me, but where is the kindness?

Charlie: It’s in God’s Word!

(THIS KID)

Me: Well it needs to be in your heart and in your words.

This precious child then belts out a very loud rendition of Barney:

I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME! WE’RE A HAPPY FAMILY!

And then the other two boys join in:

WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU! WON’T YOU SAY YOU LOOOOOVE MEEEEE TOOOOOOO!

What in the world am I going to do with these children.

Will I Really Miss This?

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I have heard mothers of babies and young children ask this question before. I have asked it myself so. many. times.

Will I really miss this?

When you are smack dab in the middle of the hardest mothering moments you wonder.

Women who’s children have grown up tell us this. We will miss this. They swear on it. And we wonder.

HOW?

How will I miss the sleepless nights and the spit up stained wardrobe and the endless poopy diapers.

HOW?

How will I miss spending hours pretending to enjoy playing race cars (AGAIN) and singing the Barney song (AGAIN) and asking if anyone needs to go potty (AGAIN).

HOW?

Well, I’m here to tell you how. They grow up. And you face a whole new era of parenting.

One full of teaching your grown child about bullying, about strangers, about not trusting everyone who smiles at you. You teach them about consequences and disappointment and they learn that there are bad people out there. Really bad people.

You spend your days sheltering them from the harshness of this world while trying ever so hard to not be overprotective while they learn life’s injustices. You sit back and let them feel the pain of it. Because you have to. In just a few years, you won’t be there to protect them anymore. So you let the world start creeping in. Slowly. Because soon, so soon, someone other than you will hold their hand and whisper in their ear.

And you hope and pray those people will love them as much as you do. That the world will love them and value them as much as you do. Which is hard. Because you know it just might not.

One day I will miss even these days. These days of soccer practice and game night and Star Wars marathon weekends.

One day soon I will wonder if they are safe. Hope they come home by curfew. Pray to God they are in the “good crowd”. I will…gulp…give them the keys to the car.

One day I will miss this. I know it’s true. Even when there isn’t enough coffee in the world for that 8 am Saturday morning soccer game in the rain.

I will miss this. And you will too.

Kids and Allowances – Teaching the Value of a Dollar

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This post was underwritten by BMO Harris Bank, which offers a matching $25 on a new savings account opened for your child through their Helpful Steps for Parents program. Learn more at bmoharris.com/parents.

I’ve been wanting to write about kids and allowances for awhile now so I was super excited to be asked by the Clever Girls to write about just that!

We came up with a plan to help our kids learn the value of a dollar and to realize that Mom is not the maid. We went back and forth about allowance for awhile because I feel strongly that kids should help around the house without getting paid for it. I really want my boys to learn what it means to help around the house to show that they value our home, our things and each other. But I also want to teach them about money. About saving and spending and everything in between!

We began giving our boys an allowance for more than just getting things around the house done. We are using allowance as a way to encourage responsibility and cooperativeness in the home, not just for taking the garbage out. Basically we watch for attitudes when we ask for a job to be done. If they do the job without whining or causing a problem, we take note.

Our oldest is almost eleven so we bascially just give him a flat rate at then end of the week based on his attitude when asked to help out and if he went above and beyond the chores we expect him to do. Our youngest two (eight and six years old) had a harder time making it the whole week so we started a marble system to keep track and spark daily interest. Every time they do a job the first time they are asked, without attitude, or do something above and beyond, etc, we put a marble in their jar. Each marble earns them ten cents. At the end of the week, we add the marbles up and that is their allowance. On a good week, they will make $1. We pay our oldest $2-3 per week because he does way more to help out around the house than our younger boys.

The jobs that are expected to be done without pay are things like taking the dog out, helping with the dishes and making their beds. The jobs that we pay for are doing laundry, vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom. (For example.) We also give marbles to our youngest two for basic cooperation and responsibility in taking care of things for themselves. If they get up and get ready for school and make their lunches without a fight, I will give them a marble. If it makes Momma’s life easier? Money for everyone!

We are working on the art of teaching them about saving and giving a percentage of their allowances. They make very small amounts of money and at first we just let them spend it on silly things here and there to let them figure out how it feels to buy things with their own money. There have been “Ugh, why did you let me waste my money on this?!” tears and “I wish I would have saved my money because I would have had enough for this by now!” tears. All really great lessons about letting money burn a hole in your pocket. Now we need to move towards teaching how to manage what you save, spend and give.

We are Dave Ramsey fans and try to manage our money along the lines of what he teaches so we are steering the kids in that direction as well. We talk very openly with the boys about our budget, how much every day things like water and electricity cost, as well as make them aware of wastefulness (which costs money!). We model saving and giving by example. I think that really is the best way to teach kids life lessons.

I would love some advice about what percentages you have your kids give, save and spend. How do you handle allowance in your home?

I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. To learn more about BMO Harris Bank, visit their website http://bmoharris.com/parents.

*This is a sponsored post but all opinions and thoughts came from my very own brain! (Don’t be afraid.)

Parenting: Saying No Without Saying No

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It’s no wonder that so many kids say “No!” as their first word. It’s probably the word we say most often as parents, isn’t it? I’ve learned that there are a lot of ways to say no to a child without using the actual word. (Mostly from Love and Logic, my favorite parenting resource.)

I think it’s important to branch out and try saying no in other ways because the word loses it’s meaning after awhile. It also helps kids to understand that you aren’t just ordering them around with yes and no answers. It allows the child to think and then make a choice. And that is the best thing we can do for our kids! Make ’em think!

So here’s a few ways to say no without letting the actual word leave your lips!

Here are a few tips from the latest Love and Logic Newsletter:

Give a choice and imply consequences: “Gee, I don’t think that is a very good decision and I’m pretty sure it might work out poorly for you.”

Suggest an alternative behavior without ordering it: “I think that if I were in your shoes, I would probably change my tone of voice rather than being asked to leave.”

Ask for illumination (without using a witness stand tone of voice): “I’ve always wondered about what leads kids to be obnoxious. Can you help me understand that?”

Give a direct question: “How do you think this is going to work out for you?”

{For more advice on this and more, check out Love and Logic’s site and sign up for the newsletter.}

The important thing to remember is that it is ok to say no. Sometimes you have to. But when you avoid it, the meaning of the word becomes much more respected!

You can avoid that constant “No! Don’t talk like that to me!” and “No! You stop that right now!” and so on.

If we can say something that gets the kid to think and make a choice about what to do next, we have taught a lesson instead of just demanded a behavior to stop.

You can also use one liners and give enforceable statements. My favorites are “That’s an option!” and “Let me know how that works out for you!”

This is also great advice for toddlers and young children. A cue other than NO can be used like “Uh-Oh!” and remove them from the thing/area/etc that you want to tell them no about.

It works! Try it! Do you have any creative ways to say no without using the actual word?

PS – Not a sponsored post!

WINNER UPDATE! Love and Logic Speed-E Solutions..and a Giveaway!

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****
UPDATE: Winner Announced!
The winner is…Sandy! Sandy, email me and let me know which Speed-E Solution you want!
****
First of all, this is not a sponsored post. I I just want to share the love! And it will
make me feel better if a bunch of you say you need parenting help too.

If you have read my blog at all, you know what a fan I am of Love and Logic Parenting. I have found so many ideas and strategies from reading the books to listening to the cds. Now I have found a new way to soak up all of their parenting advice.

Love and Logic has started selling Speed-E Solutions online. You can download them in mp3 format and listen to them on your computer, ipod or phone. I just bought When Your Kids Get Defiant the other day and listened to it while at the gym.

Not because I have a defiant child. Nope. My kids are perfect little angels. I did it for blog research.

Anyway.

I love how easy the downloadable lessons make it to get parenting advice. It’s a nice little reminder to turn on when things are getting, um, rough at home.

I wanted to share my excitement by purchasing a Speed-E Solutions for one of you! You pick which one you want and I’ll buy it for you. Just tell me which one you want in the comments and why and you are entered to win!

Pick your Speed-E Solution here!

Deadline for entries is Tuesday, September 20th at 9pm. Because I’m old and that’s my bedtime.

One comment per family please!

Oh, and if you want to get a copy of my favorite book, order it below! *affiliate link*

My Kids Annoy Me Sometimes…And Why It’s OK That I Said That Out Loud

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Have you ever been really annoyed by your kids?

Have you ever wanted to tell them to just please STOP TALKING?

Have you ever looked like this?

Having kids can be a wonderful beautiful thing. They can be so precious.

They can also be really obnoxious.

But do you know what else is obnoxious? Moms who pretend that it’s always rainbows and sunshine when they are with their kids. It aggravates me when Moms aren’t honest about how hard motherhood is.

Love is work. Parenting is hard. Motherhood is exhausting.

Let’s just allow ourselves to be real about that.

Sometimes it’s hard to admit that our children don’t bring us every ounce of joy and pride that we expect they should.

Sure, at the end of the day, when they are quietly sleeping and looking all angelic, we swoon over our sweet babies. But while in the middle of a game of 20 million questions, you really just want to roll your eyes and walk away.

We don’t. We listen and nod and say, “Oh, wow! That’s neat! Uh-huh. Uh-huh.” And we answer why and how. Over and over and over.

Sometimes we just need to tell someone that our kids annoy us.

And that’s ok. It does NOT make you a bad Mom to feel annoyed or aggravated at your kids once in awhile.

Or once a day. Whatever.

So here is your chance. Admit what annoys you about your child. Get it off your chest. Don’t worry, we won’t tell.

I’ll go first:

I hate it when my kids whine Mooooommmmmyyyy. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.

I get so annoyed when my kids hang on me when I’m trying to do something. I am not a jungle gym people!

When my youngest kisses me, he slobbers all over my face. I don’t want to act like I don’t like his kisses, but the slobber grosses me out!

Sometimes when my oldest is telling a story that never ends, I tune out and just nod and in my head I’m thinking, “Oh for the love of all things good and holy will you please just get to the end!”

There. Phew! Now. Your turn!

Mommy Guilt: Lowering My Expectations of Myself

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This week I bought some items from the grocery store that I normally wouldn’t buy.

Not a ton of junk food or anything, just some boxed and convenience foods that I normally steer clear of.

I have a lot on my mind right now. A lot to work through. So I’m giving myself a little break from the high expectations I have of myself.

A break from my from scratch life, so to say.

Sometimes you have to step back and evaluate what is more important. Peace of mind of bread from scratch.

I’m gong with my mind on this one.

And I won’t feel guilty about it. This is a stage in my life where I need to focus on other things. I will still be cooking, of course, we gots to eat. I will still post from scratch recipes for you my lovely friends.

But I won’t expect myself to spend my afternoons preparing homemade this and homemade that.

I bought me some boxed granola bars and frozen waffles.

Which to most people is completely normal. But for me it’s not, so.

Knowing my limits makes me just as good of a Mom and Wife as baking muffins does.

Here I am. Admitting that I can’t do it all and not expecting myself to.

And quite happy about it, really.