Have you taught your kids any good lessons lately? Do yourself a favor and put your foot down! The best parents are the ones that take care of themselves! My morning was filled with coffee drinking on the front steps instead of refereeing back seat fights. I’ll take it!
Parenting through this crazy housing situation we have been through has been hard. We’ve tried to be consistent as possible but when your kids don’t even have a bedroom to be sent to, it can be tough.
I have had these tidbits from a Love and Logic email saved for a long time. I like to look back at them now and then to remind myself what my parenting should look like. I thought I’d share them with you and give myself another refresher as well!
- A loving attitude toward the young person. A key principle of the Love and Logic approach is that we preserve the dignity – of the child AND the adult. Does yelling and threatening preserve kids’ dignity? How about ours?
- Shared thinking and control. Adults using Love and Logic techniques resist the urge to come up with all the answers and solve all the problems. Instead, they give kids the gift of thinking about and solving problems. They ask lots of questions and give lots of choices so kids stay in on the action.
- Empathy before consequences and bad news. We are sad for kids and we hurt for them when they struggle. Our sadness (instead of our anger and frustration) helps them own problems and learn from the consequences. None of this works without empathy.
- Relationships are paramount. If we are not preserving or enhancing relationships, we are not really using Love and Logic techniques.
*Not a sponsored post!
I haven’t posted any parenting advice lately so I thought I’d pass on this little snippet of great insight from my favorite parenting site, Love and Logic.
At Love and Logic® we believe that kids are best prepared for the real world when we allow them to do as much thinking as possible. It’s good practice for the real world, and it keeps the monkey off of our backs most of the time.
Here’s the problem. Do you know kids who like to keep adults doing all of the thinking? Do you know kids who are good at tricking us into doing so?
How do we avoid falling into this trap?
One strategy involves using plenty of questions!
The more questions we ask,
the better thinkers our kids will become.
People who understand Love and Logic also understand that the human brain seeks closure. When we use plenty of questions, children’s brains are so busy searching for closure that they have less energy left over for power-struggles.
The more questions we ask,
the fewer power-struggles we will have.
Kids grow the healthiest and strongest brains when they’re fortunate to spend time around adults who say things like:
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“Are you sure that’s the best idea?”
“How do you think that’s going to work out for you?”
“Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?”
“Do you think that’s going to work out well or ________?”
“What do you think you are going to do?”
“Which one of these is the best solution to your problem?”
“Do you have enough money to pay for any possible damage?”
“Is that a wise decision?”
I love this advice. I love putting the questions back onto the kids and not draining myself over their problems.
Try it. You’ll like it. 🙂
PS – Not a sponsored post!
UPDATE: Winner Announced!
The winner is…Sandy! Sandy, email me and let me know which Speed-E Solution you want!
First of all, this is not a sponsored post. I I just want to share the love! And it will
make me feel better if a bunch of you say you need parenting help too.
If you have read my blog at all, you know what a fan I am of Love and Logic Parenting. I have found so many ideas and strategies from reading the books to listening to the cds. Now I have found a new way to soak up all of their parenting advice.
Love and Logic has started selling Speed-E Solutions online. You can download them in mp3 format and listen to them on your computer, ipod or phone. I just bought When Your Kids Get Defiant the other day and listened to it while at the gym.
Not because I have a defiant child. Nope. My kids are perfect little angels. I did it for blog research.
I love how easy the downloadable lessons make it to get parenting advice. It’s a nice little reminder to turn on when things are getting, um, rough at home.
I wanted to share my excitement by purchasing a Speed-E Solutions for one of you! You pick which one you want and I’ll buy it for you. Just tell me which one you want in the comments and why and you are entered to win!
Deadline for entries is Tuesday, September 20th at 9pm. Because I’m old and that’s my bedtime.
One comment per family please!
Oh, and if you want to get a copy of my favorite book, order it below! *affiliate link*
How can we make sure that our kids are doing their fair share of the thinking? How can we keep ourselves from getting pulled into working harder on their lives than they are? How can we help them become prepared for a world full of decisions and consequences?
Question: “Have you guys thought about what might happen to the remote if you keep fighting over it?”
Question: “Hey, guys, what do you think is going to happen if that doesn’t stop?”
This is not a sponsored post. I’m just a L&L nerd who loves to share parenting strategies with other tired parents.
I’ve talked about it before, but I’m back to it. I’ve been thinking lately about my kids’ mistakes. As a parent you want to protect your kids, to help them along as much as possible. But I am finding that fixing their every mistake is only hurting them in the end.
My job as a parent isn’t to catch my child every time they fall, it’s to make sure when they fall, they know what to do, how to respond and how to get back up again.
This is my latest parenting technique I need to work on.
What will my son learn from more? Me bringing him his boots (that he forgot) so he can play outside at recess or letting him sit inside alone for recess? Me nagging at him “Don’t forget…don’t forget…don’t forget!” or letting him forget and feel the natural consequences of that irresponsibility?
Through the reading of my favorite parenting book, Parenting With Love and Logic, I am realizing that letting my kids deal with their own mistakes is what is best for them.
The price tag on mistakes right now is low. But one day they will be high. I want to teach them how to handle failures and mistakes now, while the price tag is small and we are here to remind them to put their hands out in front of them so they don’t land face first.
I don’t want to remain a rescuer/helicopter parent. It’s not healthy for me or for them.
What do you think about fixing kids mistakes?
*Note: Amazon affiliate link included*
I got some great replies to my post from the other day about fixing our kids mistakes. Thanks for that!
Just this morning I had a situation come up where I had to decide…to fix or not to fix. Today, I chose to fix the mistake. I thought it would be good to talk about the times when it’s ok to fix a mistake our kids make and how to do it the right way.
I’m pretty good at talking about mistakes. I make lots of them. 🙂
So Chandler (who is 10) called me this morning. He forgot his band instrument. He asked if I could bring it to him. So I was left with the question…do I fix it?
How do we decide when it’s ok to step in? Here is how I do it:
First – Am I taking care of myself as a priority? I don’t want that to sound like a selfish statement. I’m all about being generous towards others and teach my kids to do so as well. But I also think it’s very healthy to teach our kids that sometimes we have to take care of ourselves before jumping in to help others.
I really don’t want to raise kids who think my sole purpose in life is to run around and fill their every need and desire in life. Rushing in every single time they mess up will teach them this. I will always be willing to drop everything instantly for my kids if they really need me to. But I will also balance that by teaching them (by modeling it!) that they can not and will not always have me at their beck and call.
If I have plans with a friend for lunch, I will not cancel or show up late just to bring my son his instrument because he was irresponsible in remembering it. It wouldn’t be fair to me or my friend. It wouldn’t be fair to my child either in the long run. I would show him that my personal life, my time, it matters and he should respect that as well.
Second – How important is the request? Today the request was of semi-importance. They are preparing for a concert. He has worked hard all week practicing the songs and was eager to show his teacher his progress today and try to get a solo. Which made me wonder why the heck he forgot it since he’s been gearing up for it all week! Anyway, if it was something small, I probably would have said no. But today, I had nothing going on and this was important to him, so I did it.
Third – How often does this mistake happen? If this were happening every week…concert coming up or not…I would have said no. Chandler is a very responsible boy and it is rare that he forgets things. He has only forgotten his instrument one time before this whole school year (and for the record, I did not bring it to him that time!) and because I knew this was a big day for him, I was very surprised that he forgot it. This morning was a bit rushed and because of baseball going late last night, we did not do our usual prep for school the next day. I knew this was a simple oversight, not a regularly occurring case of irresponsibility.
Lastly – Nothing come without a cost! The bottom line to fixing mistakes is that it can’t be for free! I would be teaching him nothing if I just brought him the instrument and never said another word. Take the time to use every mistake as a learning opportunity!
I gave Chandler the choice, yes, I will bring you the instrument, but gas is very high right now and I have to come all the way back to the school, so I’ll need you to pay for the gas. Do you still want me to bring it? He thought about it and I knew he was weighing how worth it this was to him. He decided, yes, he would pay for the gas, he really didn’t want to miss band practice today. (I was SO glad he said yes! Great lesson learned today!)
Get creative with your consequences and remember to make sure that they realistically and practically relate directly to the mistake. Grounding Chandler from tv for the day would teach him nothing about responsibility. That would be a punishment. I am not into punishing my kids. (Well, sometimes I want to but that doesn’t mean I should 🙂 )
Other options could be, I took a half hour from my day to do this for you so now I need you to make up that half hour by doing something for me…extra chores work but I’ve also been known to request a foot rub.
Another option would be since I missed my half hour workout at the gym today I will be going for a walk and I’ll need you to stay here and do the dishes.
See how they are all related to the fact that I took time out of my day (teaching importance of respecting other people’s time) to help him?
So there you have it. The other side of the coin. Yes, sometimes we do step in and fix our kids mistakes. It can be an equally wonderful teaching moment! Just remember the word…SOMETIMES! 🙂