The wonderful people at Love and Logic sent me their book Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The book is all about teaching children responsibility and in the mean time, if I might I add, saving your life! I dove right into the book as soon as it came in the mail and spent a lot of time on the second chapter where it discusses the different types of parents. I thought it would be interesting to share those parenting types with you and see exactly where do we all fit? My eyes were truly open when I read this and got honest with myself about my parenting. NO WONDER things have been difficult with my children. We were doing it all wrong!
The Helicopter Parent:
This type of parent thinks loving your children mean revolving your life around them. You are constantly meeting their every need, correcting every mistake and “protecting” them from everything and everyone. You make sure your child never experiences disappointment.
Children of Helicopter Parents grow up to become “wanderers” who are unable to think for themselves, makes decisions or handle problems on their own.
The Drill Sergeant Parent:
This type of parent believes that a child should be TOLD what to do. Your child will listen…OR ELSE. The parent always thinks for the child and in doing so teaches them, “You can’t handle this, so I’ll handle it for you.” and “You can’t think for yourself, so I will think for you.”
Children of Drill Sergeant Parents become followers. When they are away from their parents, they will look for anyone to TELL them what to do.
The Laissez-Faire Parent:
This type of parent is so confused about what to do when it comes to discipline and often lives in parental guilt. So they become too lenient and let the child do whatever they want, whenever they want. There are no boundaries, lots of threats and no real consequences for bad behavior.
Children of the Laissez-Fair parent are spoiled brats. Period. We all know what kind of adult they can become. *yikes*
The Consultant Parent:
This type of parent involves their child in decision making. They ask questions and give choices. They do not TELL their child what to do, they TEACH them to make good decisions. They establish options within limits.
Children of the Consultant Parent become confident in making decisions and weighing out consequences.
So, what type of parent are you?
I admit, I
am was a Helicopter Parent. I have been trying for some time now to back off. To let my kids make decisions, to give choices, to let them fail. It has been hard, but so rewarding as I watch my boys learn how to behave, how to choose.
I will speak for my husband, Matt, and say that he is a Drill Sergeant Parent. He says jump and he wants them to ask, “How high?” But we are learning together that both of our ways of parenting are simply not the way we want to parent anymore. We have to be on the same page and we have to work at changing the way we react to our children and instead respond to the situations before us.
Did you catch all of those very important bold words?
I think it’s also very interesting to note that the different ways my husband and I like to parent are the ways our parents parented us! (Not that you all did a terrible job, Moms and Dads, I think we turned out pretty darn good.)
Also check out Love and Logic’s book Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants: Parenting Styles and the Messages They Send By Jim Fay.
My next Love and Logic post will be about letting our children fail.
Oh it’s gonna be good.
Disclaimer: Love and Logic sent me this book free of charge in turn for my honest review. Because I love it SO MUCH, I will be posting weekly Love and Logic ideas and thoughts to share with all of you instead of one review. Also, the product links used above are my Amazon Affiliate links, which means I will make money if you purchase those items through my links. So, you know, do that. 🙂