I receive the Love and Logic Parenting Insider's Club newsletter (which I LOVE, by the way) and I got this little tid-bit in my inbox the other day. I just loved what it said and wanted to share it with you! I added a few of my own thoughts in italics. Cause I like to get in the last word and stuff.
Do your kids wipe their feet on you like a doormat? Do you ever find yourself grieving because you've lost the dream of having kind, appreciative kids?
You're not alone, and there are steps you can take to begin turning things around.
* On a daily basis, remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with the same level of respect with which you treat your kids. (This means you should be, you know, respecting your kids)
Maintaining this attitude of self-respect gives us the intestinal fortitude to expect respect in a respectful way.
* Don't move on until you've neutralized arguing. (For the love of all things good and holy, DO NOT ARGUE WITH YOUR KIDS)
This means repeating something like, "I love you too much to argue," instead of getting pulled into a debate.
* When you become good at neutralizing arguments, begin setting small yet completely controllable limits.
Pick small issues that you have total control over. Then set limits you are prepared to enforce. For example: "I'll get that for you when I hear 'please.'" (It's easy to forget to respond to bad behavior because you are used to it, like when someone screams, "Get me water!" you do. Don't do it! EXPECT better behavior! Be on guard!)
Since you've already mastered the ability to stay out of arguments, you'll be prepared for your child's reaction.
* Remember to model an assertive, respectful and empathetic attitude.
When we've been treated badly by our kids, it's easy to fall into the trap of providing consequences with a "get-even" attitude. If we do, our kids will sense this and rebel. (ie: I'll give you something to cry about it ain't gonna cut it, try instead: "Ohhh, this is so sad. When you can speak to me nicely I'll be happy to listen to you." and walk away from the smart mouthed kid before your urge to slap 'em upside the head emerges. What?!)
* Begin to set progressively larger limits.
When our youngsters begin to see that we can handle smaller situations without backing-down or losing our cool, it becomes easier to set and enforce limits over big issues. (practice makes perfect!)
The key to rebuilding respect from our kids involves proving to them that we can handle them without getting frustrated or angry. In my CD, Oh Great! What do I do now?, I provide more practical tips for making this happen. (Totally in love with these CDs. Get one or two or all of them)
What do ya think?! Pure gold, isn't it?! This isn't a paid post, by the way. I just truly love Love and Logic Parenting and what it has done for us! Hope you learned something too!
But if you DO want to buy the book, use my little Amazon Affiliate links to the side there or the button below and I'll get like 20 cents! I live large, people.
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