My two youngest boys both made a Halloween craft at school.
When they came home and decided to eat them, one of them did this:
While the other did this:
And then decided he’s save the sucker for another time.
These boys could not possibly be any more different.
This post was underwritten by BMO Harris Bank, which offers a matching $25 on a new savings account opened for your child through their Helpful Steps for Parents program. Learn more at bmoharris.com/parents.
I’ve been wanting to write about kids and allowances for awhile now so I was super excited to be asked by the Clever Girls to write about just that!
We came up with a plan to help our kids learn the value of a dollar and to realize that Mom is not the maid. We went back and forth about allowance for awhile because I feel strongly that kids should help around the house without getting paid for it. I really want my boys to learn what it means to help around the house to show that they value our home, our things and each other. But I also want to teach them about money. About saving and spending and everything in between!
We began giving our boys an allowance for more than just getting things around the house done. We are using allowance as a way to encourage responsibility and cooperativeness in the home, not just for taking the garbage out. Basically we watch for attitudes when we ask for a job to be done. If they do the job without whining or causing a problem, we take note.
Our oldest is almost eleven so we bascially just give him a flat rate at then end of the week based on his attitude when asked to help out and if he went above and beyond the chores we expect him to do. Our youngest two (eight and six years old) had a harder time making it the whole week so we started a marble system to keep track and spark daily interest. Every time they do a job the first time they are asked, without attitude, or do something above and beyond, etc, we put a marble in their jar. Each marble earns them ten cents. At the end of the week, we add the marbles up and that is their allowance. On a good week, they will make $1. We pay our oldest $2-3 per week because he does way more to help out around the house than our younger boys.
The jobs that are expected to be done without pay are things like taking the dog out, helping with the dishes and making their beds. The jobs that we pay for are doing laundry, vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom. (For example.) We also give marbles to our youngest two for basic cooperation and responsibility in taking care of things for themselves. If they get up and get ready for school and make their lunches without a fight, I will give them a marble. If it makes Momma’s life easier? Money for everyone!
We are working on the art of teaching them about saving and giving a percentage of their allowances. They make very small amounts of money and at first we just let them spend it on silly things here and there to let them figure out how it feels to buy things with their own money. There have been “Ugh, why did you let me waste my money on this?!” tears and “I wish I would have saved my money because I would have had enough for this by now!” tears. All really great lessons about letting money burn a hole in your pocket. Now we need to move towards teaching how to manage what you save, spend and give.
We are Dave Ramsey fans and try to manage our money along the lines of what he teaches so we are steering the kids in that direction as well. We talk very openly with the boys about our budget, how much every day things like water and electricity cost, as well as make them aware of wastefulness (which costs money!). We model saving and giving by example. I think that really is the best way to teach kids life lessons.
I would love some advice about what percentages you have your kids give, save and spend. How do you handle allowance in your home?
I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. To learn more about BMO Harris Bank, visit their website http://bmoharris.com/parents.
*This is a sponsored post but all opinions and thoughts came from my very own brain! (Don’t be afraid.)
This summer we went along with my husband to the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio. We took some time to visit the National Museum of the US Air Force. It was amazing to our three boys as we strolled through rooms and rooms full of military planes.
We came across this one plane that had a swear word on it. Of course, my middle son read it aloud, totally oblivious to the fact that it was a swear word. Our oldest hung his head and practically died right there on the spot because people around us were chuckling. It went something like this:
Chase: “Mom! Look at that plane! It’s called The Strawberry Bitch! What a funny name for a plane!”
Chandler: “Oh my goodness, MOM. Did you hear what he just said! Oh my gosh. I am SO EMBARRASSED.”
Crowd of people around us: “giggle, giggle, snicker, snicker”
Me: LAUGHING OUT LOUD (I’m such a good role model.)
Chase: “What?”
Chandler: “OH MY GOODNESS.” Walks away so as to not be associated with us embarrassing swearing people.
Then I got a hold of myself and explained to Chase that the “B” word can be used as a swear word so he really shouldn’t say it. He was all embarrassed and almost cried because he thought he was in trouble. We assured him that it was totally ok, just don’t say it anymore. And then we moved on. (After I took a picture and posted it to Facebook, of course.)
Fast forward to last week, months later, and out of the blue he says, “Mom, remember that one plane we saw at the museum that had that ooh-la-la lady on it with that ONE swear word that I said – but don’t worry I won’t say it – and then we laughed after I said it? That was funny, huh?”
Me: “Oh, you remember that, huh?”
Chase: “Of course, it was so funny!”
Me: “Oh yeah, I hardly remember that.”
Chase: “Oh, I do! I remember it!”
Well isn’t that nice. The kid can’t remember to put his dirty underwear in the hamper but he can remember this.
Perfect!
My precious middle child, Chase, is turning eight years old today. To celebrate, he had a friend stay the night last night. His friend gave him this card:
I asked his friend to explain the drawing. He said, “Well, that’s Chase and that’s me. And that’s me throwing a guy that Chase doesn’t like into a brick wall.”
I must have looked slightly horrified because my husband chimed in, “That’s how boys show love. He’s a really good friend.”
And Chase and his friend agreed that if you are a good friend, you are willing to throw bad guys into brick walls for each other.
Can someone please help me escape the Boy Planet I’m stuck on? I don’t seem to speak their language.
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHASE!!!
The past year we have been living in an 850 square foot, 2 bedroom apartment. Yes, you heard that right. My husband and I and our three BOYS have been squished into this box we call home. To make it better, we are on the second floor. We have to pay $3 a load to do laundry (that’s about $80 a month if we’re keeping track). And it’s just overall SMALL.
Last summer we moved to Vermont. We never did sell our house. So we are renting it out. Which means we are renting here. I should explain that renting here is difficult to say the least. We don’t want to make the kids switch schools again so staying in this particular town is making it even more difficult. After six months of searching and looking at rentals and countless emails and phone calls, still…nothing. Nothing has worked out.
So I sit here, in my tiny box, trying to make sense of it all.
What lesson is this? Being grateful for what I have? My (ever so lovely but say it one more time and I’ll slap you) husband says, “At least we don’t live in a hut in Africa.” OK. So yes, that is true. And I remind myself several times a day when I am feeling aggravated that “OMG Why does stuff fall on my head every time I open the closet door?!” And when I get sad and upset that we do not have a backyard for the boys to play in.
At least we have a roof over our head. At least we have food to eat and clothes to wear. Even if they are falling on my head.
Is this lesson on being content? We have all definitely learned a huge lesson on being happy with what we have. I have learned that what I need and what I want are not the same. I have learned that stuff doesn’t make me happy. We have gotten rid of so. much. stuff. We just don’t need it all. When I buy something, I stop and think. When my boys made their Christmas lists this week, they only asked for roller blades and skateboards. “And maybe a video game if you want, Mom.” I mean, how awesome is that?!
Now I kind of feel like, OK! All done! Lessons learned! But I don’t think it’s that easy, is it? I don’t think gratitude and contentment are learned and then you move on. I think they are ongoing lessons. Ones you need to remember and re-evaluate daily.
We have decided to pursue buying a house this Spring. We were thinking we needed to wait but things are looking like they will work out for us to buy soon. This is good. This is good news. It means our planned trip to Disney before Matt’s deployment is canceled. It means a weekend trip to NYC is canceled. It means a 13 year anniversary trip is canceled. But it also means that we are buying a house. So it’s good.
It has been a long, long year. I have complained and cried and complained some more. But I really have learned so much through the complaining and the tears. And I’m sure that I haven’t cried my last tear or whined my last complaint. Especially since the person in the apartment above us is letting her 300 pound, is that a dog or a horse, run laps right now. And tomorrow while I am yelling PLEASE STOP JUMPING SO WE DON’T GET KICKED OUT for the millionth time, I shall complain some more. And when my boys cry because I yell at them for jumping like only normal boys do, I will cry again.
But then, one day soon, we will jump and laugh and dance and sing as LOUD as we can. We will be in OUR home. Ours. We will be happy to breathe in as many square feet as God blesses us with. We will fill every corner with the things we have decided to keep, to call our favorites. I will complain about how long it takes to clean big houses. I will cry that everyone has suddenly decided to start singing opera. And then I will sing just as loud while I clean my big house.
Contentment and gratitude, I got your number. And I won’t stop looking you straight in the eye from now on.
Find more ways to help Vermont by following them on twitter @vtresponse and the hashtag #vtresponse.
*Although this is a sponsored post, all opinions are honestly and truly mine. All mine.
There has been some drama in our family recently. Nothing I’m not used to as it seems to always be something!
I’m sure you have no idea what I mean and your families are perfectly fully functional, right?
Right.
There has been a family member that has let us down. They have reacted to situations in a disappointing way. We’re not really sure what will happen from here but there is a possibility of them no longer being a family member. This person has been someone that has always made us pause. We weren’t fully sure about them, ya know? There were some character issues that didn’t settle well with us. Should we trust them? Should we allow our children to become attached to them? We just didn’t know. But they were family now.
So we did what feel is always the best answer.
We loved.
We dove in, and with our insecurities and questions we brought grace and trust and love. We allowed ourselves and our children to become attached. We endured hardships and disappointments.
But we loved.
Now, the worst has happened. The hardships and disappointments have gone too far. So now what? Where do we go from here?
Sometimes I think we didn’t do enough to protect our children. We could have foresaw this day and protected them from it.
But, that is just not true.
Life is tough. Life is hard. I would much rather my boys learn about the difficulties of life with me by their side showing them they way. Loving them through it. I can’t put them in a bubble and my head in the sand and pretend that life is sunshine and butterflies for their sake. We must face the harsh realities of life together.
People let us down. Divorce happens. Death happens. Sickness happens.
It’s all about how we choose to respond to those harsh difficulties of life that matters.
And also? Should we assume the worst in people? Should we guard our hearts and never let anyone in, ya know, just in case? Absolutely not! Sure, we should be smart. But I don’t want to live my life always expecting something bad to happen and that people will let us down. And I certainly don’t want to teach my children to live their lives that way either.
And now we have a chance to teach our children, even at their tender young ages, that bad things happen to us sometimes. People we trust let us down.
And you know what we are going to do?
We are going to love.
We will move on, arm in arm, and face the sadness together. We do not know what the end result will be.
But whatever happens, we have each other.
We have lived fully.
We have loved wholly.
We have learned through it all.