Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Parenting: Saying No Without Saying No


It's no wonder that so many kids say "No!" as their first word. It's probably the word we say most often as parents, isn't it? I've learned that there are a lot of ways to say no to a child without using the actual word. (Mostly from Love and Logic, my favorite parenting resource.)
I think it's important to branch out and try saying no in other ways because the word loses it's meaning after awhile. It also helps kids to understand that you aren't just ordering them around with yes and no answers. It allows the child to think and then make a choice. And that is the best thing we can do for our kids! Make 'em think!

So here's a few ways to say no without letting the actual word leave your lips!

Here are a few tips from the latest Love and Logic Newsletter:
Give a choice and imply consequences: "Gee, I don't think that is a very good decision and I'm pretty sure it might work out poorly for you."
Suggest an alternative behavior without ordering it: "I think that if I were in your shoes, I would probably change my tone of voice rather than being asked to leave."

Ask for illumination (without using a witness stand tone of voice): "I've always wondered about what leads kids to be obnoxious. Can you help me understand that?"


Give a direct question: "How do you think this is going to work out for you?"
{For more advice on this and more, check out Love and Logic's site and sign up for the newsletter.}
The important thing to remember is that it is ok to say no. Sometimes you have to. But when you avoid it, the meaning of the word becomes much more respected!
You can avoid that constant "No! Don't talk like that to me!" and "No! You stop that right now!" and so on.
If we can say something that gets the kid to think and make a choice about what to do next, we have taught a lesson instead of just demanded a behavior to stop.
You can also use one liners and give enforceable statements. My favorites are "That's an option!" and "Let me know how that works out for you!"

This is also great advice for toddlers and young children. A cue other than NO can be used like "Uh-Oh!" and remove them from the thing/area/etc that you want to tell them no about.

It works! Try it! Do you have any creative ways to say no without using the actual word?

PS - Not a sponsored post!

0 COMMENTS:

Post a Comment

Every single comment is like a little present I anticipate as I unwrap it. Thanks for making my day!