Monday, October 18, 2010

Love and Logic Parenting Tip: Sibling Rivalry

If anyone knows anything about Sibling Rivalry, it's the Lehmans.

My husband came from a family of five kids.  I had two brothers.  We have three boys.

Yeah, we know sibling rivalry.

I wasn't always sure, however, how to deal with it.  Until I found Love and Logic. I listened to the Sibling Rivalry Cd over and over and over and I learned sooooo much.

If you are dealing with (or better yet, know you are going to deal with in the future) sibling rivalry, I guarantee that you will have an easier time with it if you prepare yourself with some Love and Logic tips and techniques!

So here are the points I have found that help us the most!

First of all, it will happen.  No matter how hunky-dory your kids may get along, there will be some level of sibling rivalry!

Focus on the things that you CAN control about your children's fighting, arguing and overall not getting along.  Here are a few tips from the latest L& L Insider's Club Email.

Listed below are just a few of the many things we can control:
  1. Whether we do extra things for kids who are battling with each other.
  2. It's perfectly reasonable for a parent to say, "This is such a bummer. I'm tired-out from listening to you arguing with each other. I don't have the energy to drive you to your friends' houses."
  3. Whether we allow certain items to remain in our homes.
  4. A friend of ours said to her kids, "This is so sad. Every time you guys play with that game you get in a fight. I gave it away so it wouldn't be a problem anymore."
  5. Whether we allow their fighting to interrupt our responsibilities and time.
  6. Have you ever noticed how kids tend to argue and bicker with each other when you are trying to do something that requires your complete attention such as trying to talk on the phone? If you feel secure that your kids won’t harm each other, it's probably best to say, "This is really draining my energy. You guys need to work this out or go your separate ways."
  7. Whether we give them "bonding opportunities."
  8. When your kids start to battle with each other, experiment with saying, "Sounds like you guys need some bonding time." Then assign them some chores to give them an opportunity to feel the love.
I love these tips. They are quick and easy to remember.  If you are drowning in sibling rivalry, write those points down and stick them on the fridge!  Step back from arguing with your kids and let them handle their own battles!



My favorite thing to do when my boys are fighting is to make them sit on opposite ends of the couch.  Then, they have to sit there and talk out the problem they are having. At first I had to sit in between them so they wouldn't pummel one another and I helped them talk things out, taught them how to voice what they wanted and then offered suggestions on how to solve the problem.  Now, they can usually handle it on their own.   Even at 5 and 6, Charlie and Chase can problem solve! It's wonderful!  

But it hasn't come easily and it was WORK.  But the end result is so worth it!  

So when I see them fighting, all I have to say is "To the couch!" and they know what to do.  Then, if no agreement can be made or they refuse to talk or calm down, they just sit!  Doesn't bother me!  They are each responsible for when the other can get up.  So, Chase decides when Charlie is done sitting and Charlie decides when Chase is done sitting.  Once in awhile, one will get ridiculous and say, "I am NEVER letting you get up!" And I may have to step in, but generally, they both agree when it's time to get up and let each other off the hook.  It works!  The fight usually ends in agreement or at least a, "Let's just forget about it and go play something else."  Which works for me too!


So be bold with your ideas and make your kids responsible for their own behavior when it comes to sibling rivalry!  Don't step in to every argument they have.  You will just wear yourself out!  Set limits, control what you can and step back and let them do the work!


Never work harder on your child's problems than they do!!!




This is not a sponsored or paid post.

0 COMMENTS:

Post a Comment

Every single comment is like a little present I anticipate as I unwrap it. Thanks for making my day!